Love Is Free

“Numbers are unlimited. Do you know that?” She said.

“What do you mean?” He said.

“Like, numbers go on forever. There’s no stopping them.” She said.

___

“Krishnamurti said ‘Notice everything, and you’ll notice everything,’” I said.

“Do you think that’s true?” He said.

___

“Yes,” he said. “You have to know what you’re doing to do.”

“That doesn’t even make any sense.”

“Well it does to me. So, I’ll go with it.” He said.

I was crying tears in my eyes for this poor, worthless bastard. He was such a poor worthless bastard goddamn, Charlie Apple. He had a computer science job but couldn’t do computer science. I’d feel bad for him, if I didn’t hate him so much. I know that doesn’t make sense, but that’s the way it is.

“What makes sense to us, and what makes sense to animals is probably completely different.” I said.

“Now who’s the little boy, wondering?” He said.

I was tired. I didn’t want to deal with him. I wanted to make sense of what was going on. Was it a James Joyce time for the character to step foot. I liked him as an author honestly. I just didn’t get his book. There was a lot of surmising and philosophizing which was cool and smooth.

“Joyce used to drink in a bar heavily, I heard.”

I’m not a big Joyce fan, but I’m a big Mark Twain fan as everyone knows. Making kids sound normal on page is incredible. I read most of my books on the internet anyway. It’s not up to me to decide where the story goes. It just takes me. My friend Justin wrote for a pilot that was filmed. That’s pretty cool, I guess.

I don’t know what to with my life. I’m just murderous with rage. I want to kill everything that comes in my path. My doctor calls that a psychotic rage. They say authors that write about psychotic rage also have psychotic rage.

My mind is racing. I get an ice cream, smoke a cigarette and settle outside. It’s a cold St. Louis day. The rain came out at noon and then the snow him making the roads and sidewalks slippery to walk on. Hell, some people would call it hell freezing over.

I’m not that funny of a person, but I just burped. I think when you have immense wonder about the world, you stop being curious and start being a pincushion for people’s problems, like you have all the answers. Hell, I do not have all the answers. I’m not here to save your life. Save yourself.